My spirit has been restless most of this semester as I plan to leave the place that has been home for four years. My heart aches because of the severing that is required at graduation; I am being cut off from healthy community and relationships, and without secure plans for the next phase of my life, I am fearful of leaving this place of goodness and comfort. It is here that I have been shaped; I have matured and have gained a broader lens through which I see the world. I have been forced to use my mind in ways that I never have before. I guess that is what college is supposed to do for one, but I'm talking about beyond the classroom interactions that have challenged every part of my being. My relationships here have been most difficult, but in four years they have gone deeper than many lifetime friendships I see elsewhere. And it has been a result of the painfulness endured together. Through pain we have dug deep within each others' lives and our hearts have connected in ways that words cannot describe. I am so thankful to be able to grow alongside these people. I will take them with me, too. Physically we will be apart, but as my dear friend Janet once said, "People are brought into our lives for reasons, and when friends and believers are brought together... their hearts and hands will always be connected." I have been distressed about physically leaving these people the past three months, but something strange is at work within me now. As May 1st gets closer, I find myself attaining contentment. My spirit is in the process of anticipating that something is next for me and for them. I don't know what that something is, but I trust that we will be taken care of in the ways we have been here. And I trust that goodness will be found there, too.
My family is presently in a lot of pain. For those of you who are in open communication with any of my immediate family members, you know that my family is struggling. We are being torn apart by the selfish Will which continually reins and takes precedence over a Holy, Perfect Will. On one hand, we have no control over the circumstances that fall upon us; on the other, we move our lives in the direction of our choice, and that is typically in one that feeds the idolatry of ourselves. And as long as we continue to live and act out of our selfishness, then we will continue to hurt one another. Lucky for us, we have One who has a greater Plan, and despite the damage we cause amongst ourselves, this One is redeeming and remolding us. We are being made into a better, more beautiful creation. Grace. We've been shown so much grace, and I desire to bask in the knowledge that although I will continue to make an idol out of my own selfish desires, there is a greater Plan that is at work among and within me.
These significant things at work just a little over a month away from my trip to Djibouti. I can't help but wonder how I will get to use what I'm learning in Djibouti. I can't help but wonder how all the individual lessons tied into these significant events will be continued over there. 38 days. I'll be there so soon.
Oh, and logistics update: I bought my plane ticket a week and a half ago and I am indeed flying out of Detroit on 24 May and returning 1 August. And I have been in contact with our friends in Djibouti, Tom and Rachel, and we are working on setting up things for Emily and I to do there this summer. Per request of Rachel, I think I will be teaching a small group of Somali women some of the basic EMT skills that I learned last semester. I laugh every time I envision myself teaching Somali women the Heimlich maneuver. That will be an interesting addition to my resume'. Also, I am right around 50% support-wise. Thank you SO much for your contributions and for the notes attached. A small, handwritten note makes me feel connected to you, and it's your words that I look most forward to when I open the envelope. You are encouraging my heart, and I get a little more excited about the trip with every note that I read. So thank you, friends!
