I am only a few days into this internship, but it feels like I am much further along. Because I'm taking in so much new information, I think it makes sense for me to feel this way. But what does not make sense to me is the fact that I am having trouble processing it. I'm having trouble being present here. I'm very distracted by the most minor parts of Djibouti: weird-faced cats outside our door, the bumps in the dirt roads we walk, the taste of the sweat that is constantly pouring down my face, the guard who merely opens and closes the gate for us when we drive to Rachel and Tom's house. And I find myself spending a great deal of time analyzing and trying to "figure out" the American people I'm working with here. I think some of this is a result of jet-lag which should fade out in a few days, but I think it is more than that, too. My dream world has been full of the things I avoid thinking about while I'm awake, and when jet-lag wakes me up at 3am, I'm left to deal with these daunting thoughts which, in turn, force me to withdraw from the present reality and enter into my isolated inner world. I find all of this so frustrating. If I need to deal with something, then I pray that I have opportunity to isolate it and deal with it. There is just too much for me to organize and analyze myself.
With all that said, I have decided to stop updating for a little while. Probably not more than a week, but I need some time without the internal pressure to keep up with this blog. Please pray.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
After over 24 hours of travel...
I'm heeeeere! Finally. The flights were better than expected - if you're traveling to Africa, fly with Ethiopian airlines. The whole experience was more than excellent. worst part of it all was definitely the EIGHT HOUR lay over in Ethiopia. Emily and I had massive carry-on backpacks that we didn't want to lug around the city, so we stayed in the airport and anxiously waited for our final plane trip into Djibouti.
I feel like a big ocean wave washed over me and left me dizzy, disheveled, exhausted, and swollen from the heat of the sun. I feel like I need to release SOMETHING from within. I might need to cry. Or maybe I just need to burp really good. Whatever it is causing me to feel this way, I hope I am relieved of it soon.
Rachel picked Emily and I up from the airport, got into a minor argument with the men who insisted $10 for rolling our suitcases to the car, and drove us to Hannah and Kristie's house. We 5 got acquainted a bit and went out for dinner and ice cream. Tomorrow we meet Tom and the three kids that belong to Tom and Rachel. Emily and I are staying at Hannah and Kristie's place the first week here then moving to a different location. I'm guessing it will be a poorer area since it won't have AC or wireless internet, and we will be required to take bucket showers. And I think we're hoping for running water, too.
But mannnn, all that I can think about at this point is how HOT Djibouti is. The hottest region of the earth? I believe it! I think it feels as though I am sitting in a black car that has been in direct sunlight for hours without AC on or windows down. It's just... uncomfortable, that's all. But I'll survive.
I feel like a big ocean wave washed over me and left me dizzy, disheveled, exhausted, and swollen from the heat of the sun. I feel like I need to release SOMETHING from within. I might need to cry. Or maybe I just need to burp really good. Whatever it is causing me to feel this way, I hope I am relieved of it soon.
Rachel picked Emily and I up from the airport, got into a minor argument with the men who insisted $10 for rolling our suitcases to the car, and drove us to Hannah and Kristie's house. We 5 got acquainted a bit and went out for dinner and ice cream. Tomorrow we meet Tom and the three kids that belong to Tom and Rachel. Emily and I are staying at Hannah and Kristie's place the first week here then moving to a different location. I'm guessing it will be a poorer area since it won't have AC or wireless internet, and we will be required to take bucket showers. And I think we're hoping for running water, too.
But mannnn, all that I can think about at this point is how HOT Djibouti is. The hottest region of the earth? I believe it! I think it feels as though I am sitting in a black car that has been in direct sunlight for hours without AC on or windows down. It's just... uncomfortable, that's all. But I'll survive.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
T minus ...
Emily and I fly out of the Detroit airport at 6:05 am tomorrow (Monday) morning. We'll arrive in DC some time around 8:30am and leave for Rome around 10am. From there, I lose track of time. From Rome we will fly to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. We have an EIGHT HOUR lay over in Ethiopia before we arrive in Djibouti at 6pm their time on Tuesday the 25th.
This is it!
In less than 43 hours, after too many hours of people watching in airports and [unsuccessfully] sleeping on aeroplanes, my feet will touch Djiboutian soil.
And unfortunately I'm still not packed. I'm definitely not sleeping tonight!
----edit:
Also, it should be stated that I have received all the money I need for the internship. Wow, so much money needed and so much money given. I am amazed. I have been provided for. I would not be going to Djibouti without your generous contributions. THANK YOU.
This is it!
In less than 43 hours, after too many hours of people watching in airports and [unsuccessfully] sleeping on aeroplanes, my feet will touch Djiboutian soil.
And unfortunately I'm still not packed. I'm definitely not sleeping tonight!
----edit:
Also, it should be stated that I have received all the money I need for the internship. Wow, so much money needed and so much money given. I am amazed. I have been provided for. I would not be going to Djibouti without your generous contributions. THANK YOU.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Sobermindedness
I don't know why I feel as though I need to be in a stable state when I leave for Djibouti. Its probably tied into the unconscious mindset that I, as an American, naturally tend to have related to work overseas- for usefulness and success in my work, I will need to be self-sustained and able to pour all my energy into serving the Djiboutians. I feel as though I just need to be prepared to give of myself and my abilities. Well, if this were the truth, then I am very ill-prepared. 14 days until departure and I feel like I've just been mentally and physically beaten up.
I can still barely comprehend life after graduation even though I am now in it, and I miss the friends that have become like family. I'm still not sure what I want to do with my life or where I should spend it, and I feel unprepared to take care of myself. Plus I just really miss my friends. Already. I've invested a lot in these friends and they in me, and I carry around within me their stories as much as I carry my own. I am scared that they will not be properly loved and cared for in their new homes. Will others know that these people are worth putting time and energy into? Will they be able to see the beauty that I've been exposed to these four years? And will new people be able to appreciate me without being part of the journey that made me who I am this day?
A bomb has been set off at home. Disconnectedness and severed relationships within my immediate family. Secrets and darkness being revealed in my extended family. A dark cloud consistently hovers over this place. Things out of my control and I am directly affected by it all. I am increasingly given more responsibility and for that I will be thankful one day because of the character it develops, but until then... it's wearisome.
I am fighting, but I keep getting hit with blows from outside my line of vision. I'm tired. I want to hide out for awhile and let my bruises heal. This desire to retreat is frustrating because I don't have the time or ability to do so before I leave for Djibouti. I don't want to go to Africa in this state; I am not in a place to give. Instead, I need to take, and I need Djibouti to be a place of healing for me.
And this is okay as well as entirely possible. Giving and taking should go together. Participating in the mutuality of giving and taking in relationships is not a challenge in many relationships I have here, but I see that it may be there. The challenge will be ridding myself of unconscious ethnocentrism. Already I see it and I haven't even stepped foot on Djiboutian soil yet. I can only rid myself of it by keeping my eyes open, looking for it. I know it's in me, for it is impossible to be raised in any culture without forming a sense of ethnocentrism. I just need to maintain an objective perspective on the culture I'll be observing as well as partaking in, not forming judgments in either direction. Easier said than done, though, right? As for my trust issues... on a very basic level I trust that my friends, my family, and I will be taken care of in the various places we are. I just don't know what that will look like for any of us, but I'm learning that that is okay. My fears should not be mentally validated any longer.
I can still barely comprehend life after graduation even though I am now in it, and I miss the friends that have become like family. I'm still not sure what I want to do with my life or where I should spend it, and I feel unprepared to take care of myself. Plus I just really miss my friends. Already. I've invested a lot in these friends and they in me, and I carry around within me their stories as much as I carry my own. I am scared that they will not be properly loved and cared for in their new homes. Will others know that these people are worth putting time and energy into? Will they be able to see the beauty that I've been exposed to these four years? And will new people be able to appreciate me without being part of the journey that made me who I am this day?
A bomb has been set off at home. Disconnectedness and severed relationships within my immediate family. Secrets and darkness being revealed in my extended family. A dark cloud consistently hovers over this place. Things out of my control and I am directly affected by it all. I am increasingly given more responsibility and for that I will be thankful one day because of the character it develops, but until then... it's wearisome.
I am fighting, but I keep getting hit with blows from outside my line of vision. I'm tired. I want to hide out for awhile and let my bruises heal. This desire to retreat is frustrating because I don't have the time or ability to do so before I leave for Djibouti. I don't want to go to Africa in this state; I am not in a place to give. Instead, I need to take, and I need Djibouti to be a place of healing for me.
And this is okay as well as entirely possible. Giving and taking should go together. Participating in the mutuality of giving and taking in relationships is not a challenge in many relationships I have here, but I see that it may be there. The challenge will be ridding myself of unconscious ethnocentrism. Already I see it and I haven't even stepped foot on Djiboutian soil yet. I can only rid myself of it by keeping my eyes open, looking for it. I know it's in me, for it is impossible to be raised in any culture without forming a sense of ethnocentrism. I just need to maintain an objective perspective on the culture I'll be observing as well as partaking in, not forming judgments in either direction. Easier said than done, though, right? As for my trust issues... on a very basic level I trust that my friends, my family, and I will be taken care of in the various places we are. I just don't know what that will look like for any of us, but I'm learning that that is okay. My fears should not be mentally validated any longer.
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