I am only a few days into this internship, but it feels like I am much further along. Because I'm taking in so much new information, I think it makes sense for me to feel this way. But what does not make sense to me is the fact that I am having trouble processing it. I'm having trouble being present here. I'm very distracted by the most minor parts of Djibouti: weird-faced cats outside our door, the bumps in the dirt roads we walk, the taste of the sweat that is constantly pouring down my face, the guard who merely opens and closes the gate for us when we drive to Rachel and Tom's house. And I find myself spending a great deal of time analyzing and trying to "figure out" the American people I'm working with here. I think some of this is a result of jet-lag which should fade out in a few days, but I think it is more than that, too. My dream world has been full of the things I avoid thinking about while I'm awake, and when jet-lag wakes me up at 3am, I'm left to deal with these daunting thoughts which, in turn, force me to withdraw from the present reality and enter into my isolated inner world. I find all of this so frustrating. If I need to deal with something, then I pray that I have opportunity to isolate it and deal with it. There is just too much for me to organize and analyze myself.
With all that said, I have decided to stop updating for a little while. Probably not more than a week, but I need some time without the internal pressure to keep up with this blog. Please pray.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
After over 24 hours of travel...
I'm heeeeere! Finally. The flights were better than expected - if you're traveling to Africa, fly with Ethiopian airlines. The whole experience was more than excellent. worst part of it all was definitely the EIGHT HOUR lay over in Ethiopia. Emily and I had massive carry-on backpacks that we didn't want to lug around the city, so we stayed in the airport and anxiously waited for our final plane trip into Djibouti.
I feel like a big ocean wave washed over me and left me dizzy, disheveled, exhausted, and swollen from the heat of the sun. I feel like I need to release SOMETHING from within. I might need to cry. Or maybe I just need to burp really good. Whatever it is causing me to feel this way, I hope I am relieved of it soon.
Rachel picked Emily and I up from the airport, got into a minor argument with the men who insisted $10 for rolling our suitcases to the car, and drove us to Hannah and Kristie's house. We 5 got acquainted a bit and went out for dinner and ice cream. Tomorrow we meet Tom and the three kids that belong to Tom and Rachel. Emily and I are staying at Hannah and Kristie's place the first week here then moving to a different location. I'm guessing it will be a poorer area since it won't have AC or wireless internet, and we will be required to take bucket showers. And I think we're hoping for running water, too.
But mannnn, all that I can think about at this point is how HOT Djibouti is. The hottest region of the earth? I believe it! I think it feels as though I am sitting in a black car that has been in direct sunlight for hours without AC on or windows down. It's just... uncomfortable, that's all. But I'll survive.
I feel like a big ocean wave washed over me and left me dizzy, disheveled, exhausted, and swollen from the heat of the sun. I feel like I need to release SOMETHING from within. I might need to cry. Or maybe I just need to burp really good. Whatever it is causing me to feel this way, I hope I am relieved of it soon.
Rachel picked Emily and I up from the airport, got into a minor argument with the men who insisted $10 for rolling our suitcases to the car, and drove us to Hannah and Kristie's house. We 5 got acquainted a bit and went out for dinner and ice cream. Tomorrow we meet Tom and the three kids that belong to Tom and Rachel. Emily and I are staying at Hannah and Kristie's place the first week here then moving to a different location. I'm guessing it will be a poorer area since it won't have AC or wireless internet, and we will be required to take bucket showers. And I think we're hoping for running water, too.
But mannnn, all that I can think about at this point is how HOT Djibouti is. The hottest region of the earth? I believe it! I think it feels as though I am sitting in a black car that has been in direct sunlight for hours without AC on or windows down. It's just... uncomfortable, that's all. But I'll survive.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
T minus ...
Emily and I fly out of the Detroit airport at 6:05 am tomorrow (Monday) morning. We'll arrive in DC some time around 8:30am and leave for Rome around 10am. From there, I lose track of time. From Rome we will fly to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. We have an EIGHT HOUR lay over in Ethiopia before we arrive in Djibouti at 6pm their time on Tuesday the 25th.
This is it!
In less than 43 hours, after too many hours of people watching in airports and [unsuccessfully] sleeping on aeroplanes, my feet will touch Djiboutian soil.
And unfortunately I'm still not packed. I'm definitely not sleeping tonight!
----edit:
Also, it should be stated that I have received all the money I need for the internship. Wow, so much money needed and so much money given. I am amazed. I have been provided for. I would not be going to Djibouti without your generous contributions. THANK YOU.
This is it!
In less than 43 hours, after too many hours of people watching in airports and [unsuccessfully] sleeping on aeroplanes, my feet will touch Djiboutian soil.
And unfortunately I'm still not packed. I'm definitely not sleeping tonight!
----edit:
Also, it should be stated that I have received all the money I need for the internship. Wow, so much money needed and so much money given. I am amazed. I have been provided for. I would not be going to Djibouti without your generous contributions. THANK YOU.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Sobermindedness
I don't know why I feel as though I need to be in a stable state when I leave for Djibouti. Its probably tied into the unconscious mindset that I, as an American, naturally tend to have related to work overseas- for usefulness and success in my work, I will need to be self-sustained and able to pour all my energy into serving the Djiboutians. I feel as though I just need to be prepared to give of myself and my abilities. Well, if this were the truth, then I am very ill-prepared. 14 days until departure and I feel like I've just been mentally and physically beaten up.
I can still barely comprehend life after graduation even though I am now in it, and I miss the friends that have become like family. I'm still not sure what I want to do with my life or where I should spend it, and I feel unprepared to take care of myself. Plus I just really miss my friends. Already. I've invested a lot in these friends and they in me, and I carry around within me their stories as much as I carry my own. I am scared that they will not be properly loved and cared for in their new homes. Will others know that these people are worth putting time and energy into? Will they be able to see the beauty that I've been exposed to these four years? And will new people be able to appreciate me without being part of the journey that made me who I am this day?
A bomb has been set off at home. Disconnectedness and severed relationships within my immediate family. Secrets and darkness being revealed in my extended family. A dark cloud consistently hovers over this place. Things out of my control and I am directly affected by it all. I am increasingly given more responsibility and for that I will be thankful one day because of the character it develops, but until then... it's wearisome.
I am fighting, but I keep getting hit with blows from outside my line of vision. I'm tired. I want to hide out for awhile and let my bruises heal. This desire to retreat is frustrating because I don't have the time or ability to do so before I leave for Djibouti. I don't want to go to Africa in this state; I am not in a place to give. Instead, I need to take, and I need Djibouti to be a place of healing for me.
And this is okay as well as entirely possible. Giving and taking should go together. Participating in the mutuality of giving and taking in relationships is not a challenge in many relationships I have here, but I see that it may be there. The challenge will be ridding myself of unconscious ethnocentrism. Already I see it and I haven't even stepped foot on Djiboutian soil yet. I can only rid myself of it by keeping my eyes open, looking for it. I know it's in me, for it is impossible to be raised in any culture without forming a sense of ethnocentrism. I just need to maintain an objective perspective on the culture I'll be observing as well as partaking in, not forming judgments in either direction. Easier said than done, though, right? As for my trust issues... on a very basic level I trust that my friends, my family, and I will be taken care of in the various places we are. I just don't know what that will look like for any of us, but I'm learning that that is okay. My fears should not be mentally validated any longer.
I can still barely comprehend life after graduation even though I am now in it, and I miss the friends that have become like family. I'm still not sure what I want to do with my life or where I should spend it, and I feel unprepared to take care of myself. Plus I just really miss my friends. Already. I've invested a lot in these friends and they in me, and I carry around within me their stories as much as I carry my own. I am scared that they will not be properly loved and cared for in their new homes. Will others know that these people are worth putting time and energy into? Will they be able to see the beauty that I've been exposed to these four years? And will new people be able to appreciate me without being part of the journey that made me who I am this day?
A bomb has been set off at home. Disconnectedness and severed relationships within my immediate family. Secrets and darkness being revealed in my extended family. A dark cloud consistently hovers over this place. Things out of my control and I am directly affected by it all. I am increasingly given more responsibility and for that I will be thankful one day because of the character it develops, but until then... it's wearisome.
I am fighting, but I keep getting hit with blows from outside my line of vision. I'm tired. I want to hide out for awhile and let my bruises heal. This desire to retreat is frustrating because I don't have the time or ability to do so before I leave for Djibouti. I don't want to go to Africa in this state; I am not in a place to give. Instead, I need to take, and I need Djibouti to be a place of healing for me.
And this is okay as well as entirely possible. Giving and taking should go together. Participating in the mutuality of giving and taking in relationships is not a challenge in many relationships I have here, but I see that it may be there. The challenge will be ridding myself of unconscious ethnocentrism. Already I see it and I haven't even stepped foot on Djiboutian soil yet. I can only rid myself of it by keeping my eyes open, looking for it. I know it's in me, for it is impossible to be raised in any culture without forming a sense of ethnocentrism. I just need to maintain an objective perspective on the culture I'll be observing as well as partaking in, not forming judgments in either direction. Easier said than done, though, right? As for my trust issues... on a very basic level I trust that my friends, my family, and I will be taken care of in the various places we are. I just don't know what that will look like for any of us, but I'm learning that that is okay. My fears should not be mentally validated any longer.
Friday, April 16, 2010
The PreparationTime
You never find yourself until you face the truth. -Pearl Bailey
I know that there is purpose behind everything the good Father orchestrates and the timing is always significant. I can't imagine that any of the things currently at work in my life being any sort of coincidence.
My spirit has been restless most of this semester as I plan to leave the place that has been home for four years. My heart aches because of the severing that is required at graduation; I am being cut off from healthy community and relationships, and without secure plans for the next phase of my life, I am fearful of leaving this place of goodness and comfort. It is here that I have been shaped; I have matured and have gained a broader lens through which I see the world. I have been forced to use my mind in ways that I never have before. I guess that is what college is supposed to do for one, but I'm talking about beyond the classroom interactions that have challenged every part of my being. My relationships here have been most difficult, but in four years they have gone deeper than many lifetime friendships I see elsewhere. And it has been a result of the painfulness endured together. Through pain we have dug deep within each others' lives and our hearts have connected in ways that words cannot describe. I am so thankful to be able to grow alongside these people. I will take them with me, too. Physically we will be apart, but as my dear friend Janet once said, "People are brought into our lives for reasons, and when friends and believers are brought together... their hearts and hands will always be connected." I have been distressed about physically leaving these people the past three months, but something strange is at work within me now. As May 1st gets closer, I find myself attaining contentment. My spirit is in the process of anticipating that something is next for me and for them. I don't know what that something is, but I trust that we will be taken care of in the ways we have been here. And I trust that goodness will be found there, too.
My family is presently in a lot of pain. For those of you who are in open communication with any of my immediate family members, you know that my family is struggling. We are being torn apart by the selfish Will which continually reins and takes precedence over a Holy, Perfect Will. On one hand, we have no control over the circumstances that fall upon us; on the other, we move our lives in the direction of our choice, and that is typically in one that feeds the idolatry of ourselves. And as long as we continue to live and act out of our selfishness, then we will continue to hurt one another. Lucky for us, we have One who has a greater Plan, and despite the damage we cause amongst ourselves, this One is redeeming and remolding us. We are being made into a better, more beautiful creation. Grace. We've been shown so much grace, and I desire to bask in the knowledge that although I will continue to make an idol out of my own selfish desires, there is a greater Plan that is at work among and within me.
These significant things at work just a little over a month away from my trip to Djibouti. I can't help but wonder how I will get to use what I'm learning in Djibouti. I can't help but wonder how all the individual lessons tied into these significant events will be continued over there. 38 days. I'll be there so soon.
Oh, and logistics update: I bought my plane ticket a week and a half ago and I am indeed flying out of Detroit on 24 May and returning 1 August. And I have been in contact with our friends in Djibouti, Tom and Rachel, and we are working on setting up things for Emily and I to do there this summer. Per request of Rachel, I think I will be teaching a small group of Somali women some of the basic EMT skills that I learned last semester. I laugh every time I envision myself teaching Somali women the Heimlich maneuver. That will be an interesting addition to my resume'. Also, I am right around 50% support-wise. Thank you SO much for your contributions and for the notes attached. A small, handwritten note makes me feel connected to you, and it's your words that I look most forward to when I open the envelope. You are encouraging my heart, and I get a little more excited about the trip with every note that I read. So thank you, friends!
My spirit has been restless most of this semester as I plan to leave the place that has been home for four years. My heart aches because of the severing that is required at graduation; I am being cut off from healthy community and relationships, and without secure plans for the next phase of my life, I am fearful of leaving this place of goodness and comfort. It is here that I have been shaped; I have matured and have gained a broader lens through which I see the world. I have been forced to use my mind in ways that I never have before. I guess that is what college is supposed to do for one, but I'm talking about beyond the classroom interactions that have challenged every part of my being. My relationships here have been most difficult, but in four years they have gone deeper than many lifetime friendships I see elsewhere. And it has been a result of the painfulness endured together. Through pain we have dug deep within each others' lives and our hearts have connected in ways that words cannot describe. I am so thankful to be able to grow alongside these people. I will take them with me, too. Physically we will be apart, but as my dear friend Janet once said, "People are brought into our lives for reasons, and when friends and believers are brought together... their hearts and hands will always be connected." I have been distressed about physically leaving these people the past three months, but something strange is at work within me now. As May 1st gets closer, I find myself attaining contentment. My spirit is in the process of anticipating that something is next for me and for them. I don't know what that something is, but I trust that we will be taken care of in the ways we have been here. And I trust that goodness will be found there, too.
My family is presently in a lot of pain. For those of you who are in open communication with any of my immediate family members, you know that my family is struggling. We are being torn apart by the selfish Will which continually reins and takes precedence over a Holy, Perfect Will. On one hand, we have no control over the circumstances that fall upon us; on the other, we move our lives in the direction of our choice, and that is typically in one that feeds the idolatry of ourselves. And as long as we continue to live and act out of our selfishness, then we will continue to hurt one another. Lucky for us, we have One who has a greater Plan, and despite the damage we cause amongst ourselves, this One is redeeming and remolding us. We are being made into a better, more beautiful creation. Grace. We've been shown so much grace, and I desire to bask in the knowledge that although I will continue to make an idol out of my own selfish desires, there is a greater Plan that is at work among and within me.
These significant things at work just a little over a month away from my trip to Djibouti. I can't help but wonder how I will get to use what I'm learning in Djibouti. I can't help but wonder how all the individual lessons tied into these significant events will be continued over there. 38 days. I'll be there so soon.
Oh, and logistics update: I bought my plane ticket a week and a half ago and I am indeed flying out of Detroit on 24 May and returning 1 August. And I have been in contact with our friends in Djibouti, Tom and Rachel, and we are working on setting up things for Emily and I to do there this summer. Per request of Rachel, I think I will be teaching a small group of Somali women some of the basic EMT skills that I learned last semester. I laugh every time I envision myself teaching Somali women the Heimlich maneuver. That will be an interesting addition to my resume'. Also, I am right around 50% support-wise. Thank you SO much for your contributions and for the notes attached. A small, handwritten note makes me feel connected to you, and it's your words that I look most forward to when I open the envelope. You are encouraging my heart, and I get a little more excited about the trip with every note that I read. So thank you, friends!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
The Beginning
Wow, I cannot believe that it is March! The clock I received at our Senior Party with a countdown to graduation sits on my bedside table, and I have kept a close eye on it the last 50 days or so. Upon returning to my apartment after Spring Break, I was surprised to see a number below 60 - in less than two months I will graduate from college. Unbelievable. I am so excited to finish but I am undeniably going to miss many people who will either remain here in Cedarville or move on in a different direction than me. AND, as you readers know, just a few weeks after graduation I will begin my trek to the African continent! I'm getting very excited.
Finally getting my support letters out has provoked excitement; my plans for Djibouti are actualizing, making them suddenly feel more official. I am also quite excited about this blog. I haven't exactly blogged for an audience before, so it'll be an interesting experience knowing that I've welcomed and given many others access to my thoughts. I hope this is a helpful tool in keeping you all up-to-date on my journey surrounding Djibouti.
For those who have not been able to converse with me about this internship, I thought it might be helpful and fair for me to type out some answers to questions that others have asked me. First of all, my interest in this country is, of course, it's location and population. I went to Jordan two summers ago and it was there that I first developed an interest in the Arab culture and in Islam as a whole. I grew up near Dearborn, Michigan and attended a high school with people from many different cultural backgrounds. I LOVED discussing different cultural and religious traditions with these friends of mine. And then at Cedarville University I have chosen a major in International Studies where I've furthered my education in these things. So I guess you could say that I have been intentional about learning from people of cultures and religions different than my own. My first overseas experience was in the Middle East among Muslims, and I found their way of life extremely intriguing. After that experience I thought that I could see myself pursuing more work among Muslim women and children in the future. I have been wanting to go to Africa, so I have only looked into African countries for my internship. Mostly, I desired to go to a Muslim African country and Djibouti is one of those countries. It is also one of the only countries in Africa that I have indirect connections. Thus, Djibouti!
I have also been asked about my fears and aspirations for this summer. I think my biggest fear at this point is actually related to the airports. I hate navigating through American airports and especially international ones. I feel so lost and anxious as I walk through them trying to get to my gate on time while making sure my bags are in the right place and I have done all that needs to be done before I depart. Add to my already anxiousness the international element and I am way intimidated. I hope Emily (the other student who will be interning with me in Djibouti) is more confident in airport navigation! I am also fearful of the heat. It is supposed to be near 130-degrees the entire time I am there. I assume that my body will adjust, but until then.... ahhh! I aspire to learn the culture well and adjust to it; I hope my cultural blunders are learning experiences. I aspire to be challenged by Djiboutians' way of life and be forced out of my comfort zone. I just hope that I will remain open to receiving from the people and the country.
If you have any other questions, I'd love to answer them. Don't hesitate to shoot me an email or leave a comment here with questions or thoughts. I look forward to interacting with you as I continue to prepare for this summer internship. Thank you for your desire to journey through this with me. I think this is going to be a great experience!
Finally getting my support letters out has provoked excitement; my plans for Djibouti are actualizing, making them suddenly feel more official. I am also quite excited about this blog. I haven't exactly blogged for an audience before, so it'll be an interesting experience knowing that I've welcomed and given many others access to my thoughts. I hope this is a helpful tool in keeping you all up-to-date on my journey surrounding Djibouti.
For those who have not been able to converse with me about this internship, I thought it might be helpful and fair for me to type out some answers to questions that others have asked me. First of all, my interest in this country is, of course, it's location and population. I went to Jordan two summers ago and it was there that I first developed an interest in the Arab culture and in Islam as a whole. I grew up near Dearborn, Michigan and attended a high school with people from many different cultural backgrounds. I LOVED discussing different cultural and religious traditions with these friends of mine. And then at Cedarville University I have chosen a major in International Studies where I've furthered my education in these things. So I guess you could say that I have been intentional about learning from people of cultures and religions different than my own. My first overseas experience was in the Middle East among Muslims, and I found their way of life extremely intriguing. After that experience I thought that I could see myself pursuing more work among Muslim women and children in the future. I have been wanting to go to Africa, so I have only looked into African countries for my internship. Mostly, I desired to go to a Muslim African country and Djibouti is one of those countries. It is also one of the only countries in Africa that I have indirect connections. Thus, Djibouti!
I have also been asked about my fears and aspirations for this summer. I think my biggest fear at this point is actually related to the airports. I hate navigating through American airports and especially international ones. I feel so lost and anxious as I walk through them trying to get to my gate on time while making sure my bags are in the right place and I have done all that needs to be done before I depart. Add to my already anxiousness the international element and I am way intimidated. I hope Emily (the other student who will be interning with me in Djibouti) is more confident in airport navigation! I am also fearful of the heat. It is supposed to be near 130-degrees the entire time I am there. I assume that my body will adjust, but until then.... ahhh! I aspire to learn the culture well and adjust to it; I hope my cultural blunders are learning experiences. I aspire to be challenged by Djiboutians' way of life and be forced out of my comfort zone. I just hope that I will remain open to receiving from the people and the country.
If you have any other questions, I'd love to answer them. Don't hesitate to shoot me an email or leave a comment here with questions or thoughts. I look forward to interacting with you as I continue to prepare for this summer internship. Thank you for your desire to journey through this with me. I think this is going to be a great experience!
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